My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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