i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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