Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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