Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
