she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
