the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
