she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
