what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you win again, gameday.
should my penis look like a turkey
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
