Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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