I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
