my mouth tastes like poor choices
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
