I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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