He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
