There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
