She is in my trunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
