you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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