Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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