idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
