Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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