dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
