dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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