pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
