She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
