I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize