update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
