he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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