Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
