No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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