I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
