Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
