you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
