every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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