Nicole vs. Life
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
