yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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