Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
