If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
