how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
