he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
