i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
