and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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