Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
