yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
