Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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