after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
