so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
There's even glitter on my cock...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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