his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had to cum in my sink.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
