I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
