I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
