Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
