Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't deserve a penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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