Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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