I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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