Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize