Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
