yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
