Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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