I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
