Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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