I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
