those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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