Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
