I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
