i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
