remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
