i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
