I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
