My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
