No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
