I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
