it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
