Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My feet surprised me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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