currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
