forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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