He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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