FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
