I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
