and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
